No, you haven’t tuned into BRAVO on a Tuesday night, but I have a makeover and tips for your spouse that would even make the Queer Eye Fab Five proud.

I’m sure you’ve heard the same horror stories I have about good spouses gone bad. I’ve read posts on message boards that tear at my heart and make me sick to my stomach. Things like “my husband was jealous of my writing time, so he deleted my manuscript from the computer.” Comments like, “when are you going to stop playing with this ‘writing thing’ and get a real job?” And the unfortunate, “you’ll never make it as a writer” negative reinforcement.

Sadly, some of our fellow writers hear these off-putting remarks from the person they love most. Their spouse (which heretofore encompasses both male and female spouses, partners, significant others, boyfriends/girlfriends.) Fortunately, for as many horror stories I’ve heard, I’ve also been moved by accounts of spouses going above and beyond the call of duty in our struggle to balance our writing life and family life so that it works for everyone.

As you pursue your dreams of being a published author, you have to surround yourself with a positive force field that encourages you on a daily basis, lifts you up when you’re feeling down and tells you that you have talent and should keep going. Ideally, this is the role of a supportive spouse.

Here are some helpful tips to share with your spouse so that he/she can be a more encouraging, supportive factor in your writing career:

Get Involved in the Writing Life: Some writers say their spouse thinks their writing is just “something fun” they’re doing “to pass the time.” If we let our spouse know the seriousness of our dedication to writing, it will go miles towards the support you need for your career. Introduce your spouse to your writing friends, share online stories with them, fill them in on your critique partner’s career, or take your spouse to a conference with you. My husband, Mike, has been to four conferences with me in the last two years. He looks at it as an opportunity to accompany me, but he’s free to explore whatever city on his own and enjoy his time. He knows the titles and genre of my critique partners’ stories and enjoys hearing the banter on the chapter loops.

Carole Matthews, who writes for Red Dress Ink, says “My partner, Kevin, gave up a highly paid job as an engineer to come and run my office full-time. He spends his days doing office administration and it has made all the difference to my output and stress levels. It’s great to be working as a team.” Also, Erica Orloff (MIRA, Bombshell and Red Dress author) talks of her husband, John, acting as her computer expert, keeping her laptop and printer operational at all times. (As a former chef, he also keeps her fed, too!) Brenna Lyons, who writes for eXtasy Books, says her husband purchased her domain name for her, a postal scale, pens, notebooks, mailing supplies and a lap desk. He knows the importance of making her writing space an “office” that she can be comfortable in.

Mary Castillo (author of the upcoming Avon, HOT TAMARA) says her husband helps by reading her stories. He was even so emotionally moved by one manuscript that he grabbed her hand at the end and said, “This is it, babe. You finally did it.” He took the phone call when the editor from Avon called and was standing beside her when she got the news that her book had sold — two weeks after pitching it at the RWA Nationals last year.

It’s Not About You, Honey...Don’t Feel Neglected: It’s so easy to think when someone’s on the computer, fingers flying away and deep in concentration that they’re ignoring their significant other. That simply isn’t the case with writers. Time in front of the computer is precious. One writer told me her husband wasn’t supportive of her writing at first because he felt like it took her away from him and the kids (this writer has five children!), but as she began to see success in writing contests and was able to nab an agent, he saw that her hard work was paying off. Another writer notes that her husband oftentimes get passive-aggressive when she talks about her writing too much, which sends me back to point number one.

Certainly, if the dishes and laundry are piling up and you’ve been in front of the laptop for a week straight, your spouse is liable to feel a tad neglected. But hey...your spouse can do the dishes and laundry, right? As serious as you become with your writing, always remember to find time for the thing that matters above everything else. Your family. Just like if you’re working in corporate America, a healthy balance of work life and family life is necessary for your overall well being and health.

However, the more you can include your spouse in your writing life, the less likely they are to feel neglected when you have to work on a deadline, just get to the end of the chapter, or flesh out a synopsis.

Give the Writer a Break: Writing is hard work. It takes concentration, focus and determination. It also takes some peace and quiet. A supportive spouse can help in several ways. Take the kids away for a weekend. Don’t pout when your writer spouse needs time on his/her own to plot and plan. Help out around the house. Work on interests of your own while your spouse is writing. (Or my personal favorite, don’t try to talk to me when I’m eavesdropping on conversations at restaurants that might make for interesting dialogue.) Writing is a job and it takes a lot of time out of your life. Time you could spend doing other things although you’ve chosen to use it for your craft. As long as your spouse sees it as your career, then they can support you in the manner they would if you were going for an MBA or a job interview for that managerial position.

Making a schedule for your writing is the best way to do this. If you set aside certain hours of the day when you write, then your spouse (and family) will know that’s not the best time to interrupt you. Whether it’s early morning, noon or night, carve out that time that works for everyone. Even if it’s just an hour or two per day, setting aside a chunk of writer’s time is best. Spouses will adjust to the schedule and respect your time and space.

One author writes that in the summer, she and her spouse swap “time off” from their hectic life. She’ll visit her sister with the kids in tow while her husband does major house repairs and improvements, then, in return, she’ll take time off to go to conferences or retreats while he takes care of the kids. Breaks like this are good for the mind, soul and the muse.

Take Time to Celebrate...Even the Small Things

The writing life has plenty of pitfalls including writer’s block, rejections and those nasty elves of self-doubt. It also has celebrations around every corner such as finishing a manuscript, finding an agent, getting a revision letter and yes...a sale! A supportive spouse can be the head cheerleader in your life as well as the biggest pick-me-up. Katy Cooper (Harlequin Historical author) not only got a celebratory 40th birthday party, hosted by her spouse, but he also turned it into a book launch, sharing the new title with friends and family.

Writer Natalie Damschroeder says her husband soothes her with chocolates whenever she gets rejected, buys her treats when she receives good news and he even presented her with Tyvek envelopes for their anniversary, because he knew what they meant to her. Aspiring author Jana DeLeon says her husband presented her with two dozen roses when she completed her first manuscript. My hubby likes to celebrate the little things with a bottle of Freixenet (Spanish champagne) and plans to buy me an expensive bottle of Veuve Clicquot (real French champagne) if “the call” ever comes through.

And my favorite story, from Tawny Weber, 2004 Golden Heart Finalist, is one of when she’d received some disheartening news on one of her manuscripts. “My husband [handed me] a hardcover of one of my favorite authors with my name written on blue painters tape across the top. He told me that I’d make it, that he had complete faith in me and knew that I had the talent, drive and dedication to make this dream come true. He put the book on the shelf over my computer and told me to look at that whenever I doubted myself.”

As you can see, our spouses/partners are incredibly important in our every day lives. But they can make the difference in our writing life. With their belief, support, faith and dedication, they can help us fulfill our publishing dreams. Mary Castillo ends with “I once had a writing teacher who said that we writers have to be tough skinned, yet our skin must remain sensitive enough to take in the world around us. When we have someone standing beside us whispering—or even shouting—in our ears, we can keep going and keep writing our stories. We can make it through the fire of publication.”

We can.

Marley Gibson is an RWA PRO, Vice President of the New England RWA chapter and President/Founder of Chick Lit Writers of the World online RWA chapter. She has seven chick lit manuscripts under her belt and couldn’t have done it without the support of her wonderful husband and best friend, Mike, who has not only accompanied her to numerous writing conferences, but is her own personal computer expert, webmaster and top-notch proofreader.